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> jus gotta question
angelroze
post Apr 28, 2003, 04:31 PM
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ok i know.. ok.. there is this guy.. cim.. and he wanted me to give him head( i belive we went overthis before) well finally after about a half an hour of his saying "roze come on you know you want to you will like it please you kno you will" io gave in, i did it. well i started to get uncomforable and so i stopped and he was all roze why did you stop you wre doing so good and i started to walk away and he grabbed my arm and he started kissing me and so i just did it back, i could have run away but i was scared shitless i didnt know wat to do, well then he pulled down his pants and grabbed my ahnd and made me start giving him a hand job, and i mean he just kept going t it and he would stop and ifnally i started crying and ran away i mean i was scared but he was like dont tell anyone about this, its my business.. was that wrong? did i do somthing wrong? i tryed  to stiop him i did, was that abuse in any way? i just gotta know bcuz i hate the fact that everyone says IM a slut... when i mean no i didnt say no but.. i didnt want to either.. it.. you know? i explained it all.. even when people tease me.. it scares the shit out of me and i get all shakey even tho i try so hard not to let people kow how bad he hurt me.. i just gotta know if wat I did was wrong, and if it was my fault, bcuz i cant stand to tihnk about tis, im going to break down i have so much stuff going on with me right now i have so much stress and being a "sklut doesnt help.. ROIze
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Dara
post Apr 28, 2003, 04:50 PM
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Roze,

that sounds like a traumatic experience to me. I must say that it sounds like you were pressured, persuaded, and forced into do ing something oyu didn't want to do. I am sorry you are in so much pain right now. Maybe it is hard for others to understand that you are really hurt by this, becuase they cannot know what you feel or felt inside as it was happening, but it is ok for oyu to feel hurt and upset. I am so glad you decided to post this here. I hope my understanding can help you a bit. I really dont think it was right what happened to you, it sounds like you were really trying to get away, but in certain situations we often feel so scared that we comply, even though we DON'T want to.

Roze, maybe it is best that you try to keep distance form guys for a while, just so you have time to think, and sort out your feelings. It is one way to assure this wont happen to you again! It sounds like you are really upset and having other sexual experiences might add onto the pain you are feeling inside.

I hope my words help you a bit. I am here for you ok?

All my love,
Dara
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angelroze
post Apr 28, 2003, 04:54 PM
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yea it helped.. and i wont have any problem staying away from guys bcuz lol they all hate me lol not realy but they all think im gross..i mena im used to it igeus. and yea peple do try and help me like ann.. and i just dont know. i mnea myabe i shuldnt have did any of atht shit in the first place bt i couldnt help it and i did it and im sorry but.. i didnt mean to.. and i sure as hell wont again not wit him ever.. ROze
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Dara
post Apr 28, 2003, 04:58 PM
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Well, if nothing else, you have learned form the experience, and have grown from it too.

Feel better knowing that you are loved right here at our site!

Love,
Dara
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angelroze
post Apr 28, 2003, 06:27 PM
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yea i have.. i have learned alot!!!!! a VERY LOT!! lol i wuold never do that again specailly not with him.. i hate him SOOOOO much.. and.. how everyon tihnks im a lsut and a hoe.. RIze
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Dara
post Apr 29, 2003, 03:11 PM
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Just take some time to think and to reflect on how this experience can help you in the future. I know some of the things i have done in my past hav helped keep me out of trouble in the present and future! I guess life is all one big learning experience. The only bad thing is if you make the same mistakes over and over. We are all going to make mistakes, and regret or question things we have done, just please know you are not alone, ok?

Love,
Dara
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angelroze
post Apr 30, 2003, 09:38 AM
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yea.. its just i hate how peopl are saying i could have stopped it if i wanted to, i tried i realy did, i said no, i pulled away, i tried! and im just so scaered to tell people that he kidna of made me bcuz ity my word agasint him and i KNOW people would belieive him.. its just tearing me up inside to hear the way everyone talks, and how everyone thinks. i tried.. and no one listend.. Roze
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angelroze
post Apr 30, 2003, 06:57 PM
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i didnt get to say everytihng i wanted to say bcu at the time he was kidna next to me and i DIDNT want him to hear well ok lol see wa i was writing.. i know this isnt really bad or anything like bad abuse like some people have but it scared me, it made be realize that alot of people can go through these kinda of things or worse like rape everyday... and they CANT stop it. i couldnt even stop wat he wanted, and yhis wasnt all that hard. i mean he is pretty strong, and i finally went away and i was cyring and shit but i wnst as mad, or scared till he started ignoring me and i realized wat he had did.. im sorry.. i tried Ann.. i really tried.. Roze
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Sweet_Lil_Ann
post Apr 30, 2003, 07:02 PM
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Roze I know you tried! and you know I love you! Whether you tried or not that doesn't change my opinion about you! You're my cousin and just because you did something with ONE guy doesn't make you a slut I don't care what james and shad and all them say their stupid! You gotta remember that! and you know that if you ever have ne probs you can always come to me or we can go "talk" to Ms. Meltz lol. Well I have to go finish studying for math but I LOVE YOU! remember that ok? Bye bye
Ann
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angelroze
post May 01, 2003, 09:10 AM
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yea i know you love me.. but .. i just hate how everyone thinks that it was my fault bcuz i didnt try.. when i REALLy diud try. and i dont wanna tell people..but.. it.. i dont know its like i have to but i cant.. i cant.. and i love you too.... and lol we can go "talk"to  mrs meltz ANYTIMe you want Roze
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